I Hate You

  You have been in my life for so many years that I can not even remember the exact day you came into my life. I WILL let you know ,that ever since you did come into my life I have been miserable. I have spoken to many people about you , therapists,psychiatrists,family,friends, even mutual friends that we share.  I do not know why you chose me to be your friend , I do not want you anymore! I belittle you , I despise you, you disgust meI hate you-. Yet no matter what I do to you , you are still here. I have taken medication since I can not kill you. You are like a gnat , you just never go away. You are constantly whispering in my ear telling me how pathetic I am , how I am such a loser, I will never become anything.

You have taken away my dignity, my peace-of-mind, and now I feel you are trying to take my sanity as well. I have children! Do you not care? I guess you don’t , since when I ask you , you never give me an answer back. Why is it , when I talk about you to others, you stay quiet, you are mute. I can not explain to my friends or family about you and what you do to me because you sneak away and I become happy. All that pain and anger goes away for just that little bit and I am happy. As soon as I leave my friends,my therapist,psychiatrist, you pop back in my life.

I have had it! It is not fair that you control me the way you do! It is not fair that you come and go whenever you please! I am so tired. I am tired of fighting you, I am tired of you bringing me down and putting me down, especially in front of my kids. I have no strength anymore. I want my kids to be able to see me happy and not sad all the time. You never let me go out and play with my kids. Once in a while you will let me , but most of the time you keep me cooped up in this damn house. You will not even allow me to work! You are ruining my life and I cannot take it anymore. I will not stand for it , you hear me?

Today is the day that I do something about OUR situation, our relationship , if that is what you want to call it. To me , I am nothing but your prisoner and you find it amusing. Well I will be rid of you once and for all. It might take a month or two , but you will be gone! I will not sit here and tell you I love you because I don’t. You will not ruin the rest of my life with my family and friends. this is the end of the road for you and I , you will be DEAD to me! Do you hear me DEPRESSION? I will find a way to rid myself of your clutches.

I made a promise to my family ,especially my children . I told them,that you, yes you depression, you will not take away our happiness together! I have what it takes and I m strong enough now, I finally realize that.It might have taken me 20 some on years , but my family has beat it in me that I AM A STRONG WOMAN, A STRONG PERSON,AND DEPRESSION CAN NOT TAKE OVER MY LIFE ANYMORE!


4 thoughts on “I Hate You

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