Kids can be very mischievous ,can’t they? We yell and scream ,tell them no, shout out empty threats etc., and we get the look. Yes that look like , yeah okay mom I am going to do it anyway! Sometimes you just get to a point when you have just had enough and by the time you know it you are yelling and screaming , and your kids just stare at you like you are some kind of freak show. We sit here and tell our friends or relatives, my kids are driving me insane , they just do not listen no matter how much I yell at them! Well maybe it is time to take it down a notch. I Know that is not always easy. I am a yeller and screamer too, I admit that. But this time I have decided to take a different approach and I have been seeing great results. A few steps that I have noticed that work pretty well and will work for you as well with your kids are very simple. Yes , of course there are going to be times when you are going to yell and that is okay, no one is perfect. But just try these out and you will see results.
Breathing- Breathing is a big part of trying to keep your cool. The best thing to do, is just relax and breath. When you feel yourself starting to get worked up because your child will not listen, turn around , count to ten, and exhale,inhale,exhale….. Let yourself calm down first before you turn around.
Use a soft voice- Using a soft but yet stern voice can get the job done. When you speak in a calm ,yet firm voice they have to put in a little work to hear what you are saying. Most likely they will. When you yell, that is all they hear. They do not hear any of the words , just the yelling.
Children are like sponges, they soak up everything. So when they see some things that we do they tend to mimic those things. It is our goal as parents to teach our children how to effectively express themselves without boiling over.
Empty threats- Empty threats are another problem. I admit that I am one of those parents that constantly throw out empty threats and my kids have learned to call my bluff, just as your kids will, if not already. Starting them off at a young age and sticking to your guns when it comes to discipline is the right thing to do. Lets say for example : you have told your child to shut the T.V. off and get ready for bed, you come in the room 5 minutes later and the T.V. is still on and your child has not moved. You tell them again the same thing,but this time you tell them that there will be consequences if the T.V. is still on when you come back to the living room. 5 minutes later they are still watching T.V.. They have learned to call your bluff because after the first and second time of telling them, that if they do not listen there will be consequences and there is none , they know that they can get away with it and you are not going to do anything.After you say it the first time , mean it, and that should be it. Have clear rules and stick to the consequences.
Giving praise for GOOD behaviour- No matter what the circumstances , children love getting attention, whether it is good or bad. Try your best not to give in when your child is throwing a temper tantrum. No matter how upset or angry you get , DO NOT GIVE IN! If you yell at them you are still giving them what they want , and that is attention. Let them calm down first. Walk into another room if you have to ,eventually they will realize that you do not condone that type of behavior and they will stop. If you give them the attention then they will stick with that bad behavior. Praise them for good behavior and they will continue with good behavior.
Yelling is a no no- Remember how you felt when you used to get yelled at by your parents? It hurt , so when you yell at your child , you know how they feel. LaRowe. Author of,” A Mom’s Ultimate Book of Lists” explains it best. “ Our goal as parents should be to teach our children and to build them up, not tear them down. When we yell at our children we risk damaging their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.” I could not have said it any better. When your boss yells at you, are you hurt? are you embarrassed? Do you feel belittled? Now you know how your child feels.
Good habits -good habits are essential to a child’s behavior. A well-rested, and well-nourished child will have less behavioral issues. Remember your health as well. the more rest and good eating habits you follow the better you will feel and the longer you keep your cool.
You want to teach your child right from wrong. You want them to understand that you get better results out of life when you behave in a good manner. You do not ever want to hit your kids! You do not want them to be afraid of you, you want them to respect you and your wishes, and you want them to listen. Every parent is going to yell every now and them, that is okay, we are not perfect. Just try to take it down a notch and see the results. Be optimistic and tell yourself that this WILL work.