Drugs and The Road They Took Me Down

I will not tell my whole life story because it would take way to long. I will tell the time that led up to my drug use and on.

My life was wonderful, at least from what I can remember about it since when you start using drugs it messes with your brain and memory. I was always a daddy’s girl, until his alcoholism broke up the family. I was not angry with him at all because I knew the heartache and pain that he was going through. My father was not a bad drunk by all means, he was a blast to be around. The family was broken though because of his choices, but I still seen him everyday. That was until he moved to Atlanta Georgia. My life fell apart because I was no longer able to hug him or see him , but I spoke to him everyday. It was my 13th birthday and he came up to Long Island to visit me for the week. We spent every day together . After a week together my father went back to Atlanta Georgia and that was the last time I heard from him. After a month of not hearing from him I tried calling to see what happened but his phone was disconnected and I did not know what to do. I started calling my older sister that lived in Atlanta Georgia as well , I know she lived close by to him so I kept calling her . I called every day for three years . I knew she was not giving him the messages that I was leaving on her voicemail ,so one day I called and left a real nasty message on her phone. The next day my father called me and told me that he thought we were all mad at him and did not want to speak to him anymore and that my sister did not give him any of my messages. We made plans for him to come up for my  16th birthday . I was so excited to see him but I never got the chance to . The day of my birthday I walked through the front door to see my mother sitting there crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that my father passed away. He died from leukemia . I was devastated, I cried for a month straight.  So with all that said after about 4 years I still could not accept that he was gone  so I started using drugs to numb the pain. I started with percocet and went to Oxycontin and cocaine. I became out of control. My oldest was about a year old, I stopped using for a couple of years but started right back up again. I became pregnant and thought I could stop but I couldn’t . I gave birth to a child addicted to opiates. I could have killed my baby , she flatlined but y the grace of God she as brought back to me still to get ripped out of my arms. The courts mandated me to a program and gave custody to my mother. I could not see ,talk , or even hold my children. The pain was unbearable that I started using more and more. My heart was broken into a billion pieces and I did not know how to pick up the pieces. I started an outpatient program but met someone there and started hanging out with them. Long story short ,we got arrested together but I got ROR’d and she was let out on $10,000 bail. After I got out of jail I could not take it anymore. I was a disgrace to my family and my children. I could not do it anymore. I called every inpatient program from Long Island to Pennsylvania and found one that would take me in immediately . I went in to Arms Acres weighing in at 90 pounds. If it was not for Arms Acres I would not be where I am today. I am healthy ,(somewhat), happy, I have my three beautiful girls back. Yes I had another child and she is as healthy as an ox.

Drugs are not worth the pain and suffering. I put my family ,especially my kids through hell. I would have to drive passed the house where my kids were and wave to them from the outside. There is nothing more painful than seeing your children crying hysterical through a window and you can’t even comfort them. It just is not worth it. I try my best to help others today fight this disease. I got my family back and all their support that comes with it. I need people to realize how dangerous drugs are and what they can do to ones life.

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